erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
