Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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