Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
