i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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