I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Holy sore nipples Batman
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
