he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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