have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
