Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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