Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
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