There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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