I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My first STD was from a foam party
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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