He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
