God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
