he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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