How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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