I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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