I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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