Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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