if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
