I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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