Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
