Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
