Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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