is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
foreskin is a definite game changer
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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