This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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