You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
