So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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