Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
