the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
