I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
