too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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