who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
