Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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