dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
