we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
