Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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