If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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