you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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