Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
