I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
