Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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