I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
