Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize