I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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