I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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