i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
