So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
