not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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