my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
