I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
