Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I need to stop coming to work sober
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
